Has anyone seen my show-off gene? (or La la laaaa 2)

I've had another couple of singing lessons now.  (I know - it's taken us a while to get going - we're very busy people...)  The thing that continues to strike me, is how frustrating it is being a bit shy.

This is so very true in singing. I can sing so much better when I'm relaxed.  I can hit notes I thought were well out of the reach of a die-hard alto like me. 

I understand why this is.  Everything seems to tighten in my throat / pharynx / larynx when I'm nervous...  Why I'm nervous doesn't seem to matter.  The same thing happens whether I'm worried about what the people listening are thinking, or if there's just a tricky / high note or phrase coming up.  I guess I just need to learn to chill out, and practice deliberately relaxing those muscles...  Easier said than done though.

It's times like this that I wish I was more of a show-off, hence the blog title.  There are times in life when it's easier to be a 'look at me!' sort of person.  I used to wish for this when I was teaching antenatal classes; but actually - once I got into it - I actually quite enjoyed it.  For me in this context, confidence came through feeling like I knew what I was talking about.

Singing seems different though somehow.  There are so many uncontrollable variables.  Will my voice crack?  Will I breathe in the right place - or will I run out of air halfway through?  Will I hit that note, or end up flat?  Will people like what they hear?  The list is endless...

Helpfully, the place I sing most in public - is in church.  When other people can hear me, it's generally because I'm leading the worship at the front - and thus I have a microphone.  Singing in this context is immensely liberating, as I know a number of vital things:

1. The people there are there to focus on God - not on me
2. I'm singing primarily for God, the fact that this then helps lead others is secondary
3. Most of the people there know me, and love me - so they're not going to be bothered if I throw in a bum note occasionally. (This is just as well - as the likelihood of a wrong note increases exponentially when I'm playing the guitar as well!)

I'm hoping the fact that I'm not naturally a performer actually glorifies God all the more.  I offer up to Him my shyness, along with everything else; knowing that this is the God who turns water into wine, ashes into beauty and desperation into hope.  All things are possible with God...  I just have to remember that when I'm reaching for the high notes!